Dynasty Season 4-Volume 1

DVD BOX SET REVIEW

1983 was not a year that Dynasty fans will look back at and say; “They had a gay old time.” It was the year that both TV series Dallas and Dynasty felt the heat—literally. Just by coincidence, both series’ previous cliffhangers threatened death by inferno to its main characters; Southfork ranch was set on fire during a fist fight with half the cast trapped inside, and on Dynasty Alexis (Joan Collins) and Krystle (Linda Evans) were last seen locked in Steven’s remote cabin after it too had been set ablaze. Krystle’s ex husband Mark Jennings heroically comes crashing through the door, which had been locked from the outside and rescues both damsels in distress.

In the weeks that followed, everyone in the cast is accused of trying to murder the two granddames of the series. It is eventually discovered that master butler Joseph went crazy and set the fire in an attempt to kill Alexis. In his insane state of mind, he thought he could stop the Colbyco/Denver-Carrington merger by murdering her, which is revealed in a suicide note he left behind after shooting himself in front of Blake and Jeff.

We also find that Fallon (Pamela Sue Martin) is still obsessed with her suspicions that Adam poisoned and nearly killed Jeff last season. When Adam discovers that Fallon and Jeff have succeeded in getting positive proof against him in Montana, he tricks Alexis into signing some contracts. What she didn’t realize is that the second and third copies are falsified receipts for mercuric oxide, the toxin Adam unsuccessfully used on Jeff. When Blake confronts his ex-wife with the false proof that she tried to murder Jeff, he doesn’t believe her denial. Without enough time to prove her innocence, she reluctantly drops her attempt to force Blake to merge Denver/Carrington with Colbyco.

Meanwhile in true soap-opera form, the power struggle between Adam (Gordon Thomson) and Jeff (John James) for influential control of Colbyco while Alexis convalesces continues. When Alexis solidly puts Jeff in charge and Adam in his place, Adam leaves in a huff to go and work for his father at Denver-Carrington. A few weeks later, and much to Adam’s chagrin, Jeff forces Alexis to trade his stock in Colbyco for hers in Denver/Carrington and becomes a 47% owner and member of Blake’s board of directors… becoming Adam’s boss once again.

On a business trip to Los Angeles, Blake buys a beautiful and race-winning horse as an engagement gift for Krystle from a millionaire playboy named Peter DeVilbis. Fallon accompanies them there and falls in love with Peter, not knowing that he’s scheming to con Blake out of millions to pay off his drug habit debts.

Mark begins to sense he’s losing the battle for Krystle’s affections and proposes marriage to her in her hotel room. When she turns him down he attacks, trying to force himself on her but she fights him off. Blake’s ongoing campaign finally wins Krystle over and by the end of volume one of this collection she re-marries him. The act that seals the deal was his offering her a more prominent role in his life by making her Director of Public Relations of Denver-Carrington. Meanwhile the woman the job was promised to seethes with resentment and joins with Adam in behind the scene plots against her.

Jeff’s wife Kirby spends the entire first half of the season fretting over how to tell him that the child she’s carrying is the result of Adam raping her last season. That comes to a boil when Jeff discovers that she’s five months pregnant instead of three, meaning he couldn’t possibly be the father. When she admits that Adam raped her and that he’s the real father, Jeff confronts Adam on the top of a high-rise building under construction and nearly kills him. Adam didn’t know he’d fathered a child and goes on a relentless campaign to break up Jeff’s marriage. While in anguished grief for her father Joseph and after several attempts at intentionally losing the baby, Kirby relents and agrees to divorce Jeff and marry the evil Adam.

This was also the year (one of several) that the character Steven Carrington (Jack Coleman) “chose” to go heterosexual, alienating a good portion of the show’s fan base. On a personal note, I stopped watching the show midway through this season in disgust that they would present a harmful theory that someone could on a whim just change their sexuality at will. To make matters worse, in subsequent seasons he “chooses” to be gay again, only verifying the religious right's claim that sexuality is a conscious choice of lifestyle.

During his first term, and under President Ronald Reagan’s guiding wing, the religious-right movement was gaining influence across the country. They began a negative letter writing campaign against Dynasty’s producers for presenting a positive gay roll model during prime time viewing hours. As a result of the pressure that was brought to bear, strong speeches were added to the new scripts. John Forsythe as Blake began angrily railing against his gay son for raising a Carrington grandson “in that homosexual environment,” with his supposed gay lover. More often than not the word “homosexual” began being used instead of “gay” as well. The net result was Blake suing his own son for custody of Steven’s infant son Danny rather than the child being influenced in such a twisted household.

When this plot line was revealed to the cast the previous season, Jeff Corley walked off of the show halfway through, and Jack Coleman was hired to fill in for him. Steven was almost killed in an oilrig explosion to explain away the difference in the two actor’s physical appearance.

After a year of playing “gay for pay,” straight actor Jack Coleman was increasingly getting questions accusing him of secretly being gay himself. With his male ego being threatened, Coleman intimated he’d leave the show unless Steven miraculously turned straight. With that and the additional pressure from the religious fanatics, the producers cooked up a plotline where Steven sees the error of his ways and marries Claudia Blaisdel (Pamela Bellwood) straight out of her sanitarium. Incredibly, but not surprisingly considering the times, the judge is instantly convinced that Steven is now completely morally straight and allows him to retain custody of little Danny.

Blake too is immediately certain that his son is now acceptably heterosexual and allows him to move back into the mansion with his new wife. The family warms to their patriarch for his compassion, but actually it’s a way of easing back into their affections after they all turned on him by testifying on Steven’s behalf during the custody hearing. Steven has always been an honest straight-forward man on the show, but flabbergasted fans began to wonder if he had merely used Claudia to keep his son, but as scenes of him making love to her in nearly episode afterward seem to prove, he’d gone completely straight… well at least for now anyway.

Heather Locklear as the evil scheming Sammy Jo Carrington has only a small roll in this volume, limited to testifying against Steven during the custody hearing. She’ll play a larger roll in the latter part of the season not covered here.

Michael Nader joins the cast as the love-obsessed Dex Dexter, who is determined to win Alexis’ affection by using a scheme to acquire oil in Canada in their new LexDex Corporation as a way into her checkbook of heart. His financial interests in Denver-Carrington won’t hurt his campaign either. A few days later, Alexis comes home to find her apartment ransacked and she hires Mark as a live-in bodyguard; which of course is an excuse for knock-down-drag-out fight scenes between him and Dex.

The midseason cliffhanger serves as an inferior and disappointing finale to this first volume of season four. Someone seems determined to wrest Claudia’s sanity away from her again by sending her violets in her dead husband’s name the way he used to do.

This collection includes an appearance by President Gerald Ford and first lady Betty, along with Henry Kissinger in a charity ball scene

The transfer to DVD is crystal clear, as is the sound. The collection contains few extras in order to squeeze fourteen episodes onto only three discs. They consist of choices of English or dubbed Spanish soundtracks with English or Spanish subtitles.

I confess to not being a fan of the recent trend of breaking up series collections into two or more volumes. The majority of studios present classic TV shows as a convenient one-piece 6-disc collection. The practice of breaking them up gives the impression that an effort is being made to harvest as much cash as possible out of the fans by charging them a little less than twice as much as what they’d normally pay for only one season.

I found the series very enjoyable to watch again, if only for the nostalgia and would recommend it to any fan of the show.

Cast:
· Producer: Aaron Spelling
· John Forsythe-Blake Carrington
· Linda Evans-Krystle Carrington
· Joan Collins-Alexis Carrington Colby
· John James-Jeff Colby
· Pamela Sue Martin-Fallon Carrington Colby
· Jack Coleman-Steven Carrington
· Gordon Thomson-Adam Carrington
· Michael Nader-Dex Dexter
· Heather Locklear-Sammy Jo Carrington
· Pamela Bellwood-Claudia Blaisdel
· Geoffrey Scott-Mark Jennings



WARNING: Reproduction of this article is forbidden without the author's permission
©-2009 by Jet in Columbus/Jet Gardner/Blogcritics.org

Hawaii 5-0 6th Season Box Set

DVD REVIEW

(This is an longer expanded version of my BC article because of their word limits.)

This great collection brings back a long-lost era when TV cars weren’t allowed to come to a stop without screeching their tires… even on a dirt road, and nearly all car accidents no matter how minor always ended up in a huge fireball. The show had new Chevrolet police cars in a chase scene that would morph into older Fords and back into Chevys unless they were involved in a crash; then they’d turn in to a badly painted 12-year-old Ford Galaxy just before impact.

Steve McGarrett’s infamous 1968 four-door black Mercury Park Lane (which he used like the “Batmobile” of another series) could magically lose and regain hubcaps, move its radio antenna from the front fender to the back quarter panel at will and never ever ever got dusty, dirty, or even wet! Jack Lord could never park between the lines in a parking lot and usually kept a piece of chalk in the car to jot script notes on his sun visor.

This was the golden era when TV cops handled fresh evidence, plutonium in flimsy little clear plastic boxes and even plague victims with their bare hands. It was also a time when computers with half the power of a home PC took up whole rooms.

Being produced and filmed entirely in Hawaii meant building the show from the ground up. That meant instead of using Hollywood lots, they had to build their own studios and import actors from the mainland with the temptation of a free week’s vacation in paradise. Because of the production costs, stock footage had to be used wherever possible. This saved money by not having to have to repeatedly film McGarrett’s Park Lane screaming down the street for every single episode.

In 1972 the executives in charge of Hawaii 5-0 began fixing some of its continuity problems. Shortly after, and much to the producers’ chagrin, letters starting coming in complaining that those very errors were part of the charm of the show, so in 1973 some were cautiously let back in. McGarrett would run out of his office in a gray suit, and stock footage showed him getting into his car wearing a dark blue one. “Danno” would leave alone for a crime scene in his black Ford detective car with its black interior, and show up in his black Ford with a red interior with Chin Ho Kelly at the wheel instead.

Then there were the college drinking games that depended on whether Jack Lord’s hair moved or not during a close up.

By the end of 1973 Hawaii 5-0’s sixth season was a certified hit for CBS and would enjoy another six seasons of success.

There are two ways to watch this box set. One is for the great story-driven action, trying to see if you could figure out who did it, or how they did it, before McGarrett does. The other is for the memories of better days gone by, those beautiful 35-year-old cars in brand new condition, and those freewheeling, free thinking fashions.

1973 was a year to remember and this collection brings all those fond reminiscences back full force. A warmhearted smile can be had with only a glance of a pretty girl, an old brand-new Admiral TV, a pristine classic car or a payphone with a dial instead of touch-tone buttons. President Richard Nixon was just getting tangled up in Watergate never to recover. The 60s youth movement was beginning to wither as those “never trust anyone over thirty” hippies were turning thirty themselves. Best of all it was a nonjudgmental time of “do your own thing, man!” One guy could wear a psychedelic shirt, striped bell-bottomed pants, gold chains and an Afro haircut that was 12 inches in diameter. Another man could sport hair longer and better maintained than his girlfriend’s. And yet another could wear straight-legged jeans, a white t-shirt and a crew cut and none of them were given a second glance. It was a wonderful era of being accepted for whatever you were or wanted to be… and disco was blessedly still four or five years away in the future.

This collection is best watched twice, once for the story, then again for the scenery. The pause button got a lot of exercise, as I’d stop a street scene only to be reminded of a time when I could identify the make, model and year of every car in a traffic jam. It was also an era, not only in Hawaii but also all over the U. S., when unashamed people became sexy. Women sported long flowing hair wearing form fitting halter-tops and skimpy skin-tight cut-offs. Men sported long flowing hair wearing form-fitting tank tops and skimpy skin-tight cut-offs. Hawaii 5-0, like its illegitimate love child Miami Vice, would and did take advantage of the local human eye-candy and the ratings soared in response.

Then there were the heartbreaking scenes that made you want to weep; such as a crane pulling a disposable eight-year-old (at the time) flawless ’65 Mustang out of the bay, tempting you to scream in astonished protest, “Do you know how much that thing would be worth today!?”

This collection has pretty standard fare for the time and every episode is worth watching without a single clinker in the lot. There are also a few standouts worth mentioning because of the great scripts and the trivia that comes along with them.

“Hookman” features an assassin with hooks instead of hands. He’s out for revenge against four young cops that put him in jail for robbing banks by using a bomb once too often to threaten the tellers. One of the men he’s after was a young probationary policeman named Steve McGarrett. This episode also features the unique and famous mid-60s Pontiac Catalina 2+2 ambulance, which is painted black and regretfully wrecked as a hearse without removing all of the emergency lights and cowling from the roof. My guess is that the production office could finally afford a Cadillac that year so it was disposable.

“A Bullet For El Diablo” Radicals kidnap a much-hated Latin American President’s daughter to lure him to Honolulu and then substitute her for his look-alike illegitimate daughter in an assassination attempt. Note the police escorted limo that the loathed president is using always has it windows down.

“The Finishing Touch” Steve McGarrett brings in a good friend who is a well known and respected documents expert to help him detect counterfeit city and state bonds that threaten Hawaii’s economy. The viewer is let in from the beginning that the counterfeiter is the expert, but how long will it take Steve to catch on?

“Nightmare In Blue” A cop uses his uniform to gain the trust of women in order to rape and then kill them. McGarrett must find him before the Honolulu Police Department’s reputation is completely ruined. The script is great, but the execution was terrible, which makes it noteworthy. The phony police car is a brand-new and huge gold 1973 Buick Electra luxury car with wide whitewall tires and a flimsy little magnetic blue light on the roof. When an experienced veteran female undercover cop is assigned to the case as a decoy and almost kidnapped, she not only can’t remember later on whether the car was a Ford or a maybe a Buick, but never spots the completely unmarked car as an obvious fake!

“Mother’s Deadly Helper” A deranged vigilante begins killing criminals that are set free due to courtroom technicalities. McGarrett starts receiving bragging fan mail giving details that only the killer would know and the sharp shooter is increasingly convinced that Steve considers him a cherished member of his team. Frank Cady who played Hooterville’s Sam Drucker on Green Acres takes on a serious role as the judge, who later becomes the killer’s target in this episode.

“30,000 Rooms, And I Have The Key” This unusually funny episode should have been titled “Saving The Best For Last.” A charming and lovable multi-millionaire master thief, master of disguise and master key maker arrives on the island to expand his fortune. McGarrett is taunted and vexed at every turn with clues such as $10 bills and roses as the Frenchman moves from hotel to hotel. The episode’s grand finale involves him sending Steve an engraved invitation to a burglary. This is undoubtedly my favorite of the whole 12-year TV series. You will find yourself actually rooting for the bad guy and hoping that McGarrett doesn’t catch him! What appears at first as canned music that’s been used before, was actually reworked and re-recorded with great new arrangements just for this episode. As the tension and the music builds you will hold your breath as a target approaches a well laid trap set by McGarrett… and then you will cheer out loud in laughter at the line, “Why howdy friend; step right on in here!”

This collection contains 24 episodes on 6 discs. Except for Jack Lord's “Join us next week for…” promos, there are no DVD extras. The transfers are good, but some installments are noticeably grainy and there are skips in the music on occasion as if it was edited in order to get four hour-long episodes on each disc.

Other things in this collection to watch for are the magic green Ford with an equally green vinyl top that appears as a cab, then a detective car, then a victim’s car, then the bad guy’s getaway car. There is also an old beaten up white Chevrolet station wagon that makes repeat appearances as either stolen or a detective’s personal car. Count also one of my all-time pet peeves; the interior rearview mirror that appears and disappears depending on how vain the guest star is. Speaking of guest stars, some famous actors turn up in their younger days all over the place in bit parts or even as just extras.

Possibly the most noticeable thing about this particular collection is the complete lack of the catch phrase, “Book ‘em, Danno!”

All and all I liked season six. If only for the 30,000 rooms episode it’s well worth the price.

Trivia:In some stock footage you can spot McGarrett’s original two-door 1967 car instead of the four-door ’68 by its red interior. Until the end of the 1974 season, Steve drove a 1968 Mercury Park Lane Brougham 4-door Sedan, with power steering, power front disc brakes, power windows, power seat, A/C, AM/FM, and cruise control. For some unfathomable reason the actual “hero” car was blown up as part of the final episode of that season instead of a double. Even after it was destroyed, footage of the Park Lane flying down the street was used as stock footage in later seasons.

Jack Lord was offered the role of Captain Kirk on Star Trek and turned it down.

Sammy Davis Jr. did a vocal of the famous theme song that never aired.

Cast: Jack Lord-Steve McGarrett, Danny MacArthur-“Danno” Danny Williams, Kam Fong-Chin Ho Kelly, Herman Wedemeyer-Duke Lukela, Harry Endo-Che Fong, Richard Denning-Gov Paul Jameson, Al Harrington-Det. Ben Kokua, Al Eben-Doc Bergman, Peggy Ryan-Jenny.

WARNING: Reproduction of this article is forbidden without the author's permission
©-2009 by Jet in Columbus/Jet Gardner/Blogcritics.org

I Hated Star Trek “Reboot” For Making Me Love It!

MOVIE REVIEW

I hope a suitable nickname for this movie can be found other than “reboot” or the inevitable “Star Trek, the First Generation.” Being a trekker for longer than I care to admit, the thought of anyone playing Kirk and Spock other than William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy was near sacrilegious to even consider. After being bombarded with on-line ads and articles, I grudgingly gave in and checked one out on U-Tube. What immediately hooked me was Karl Urban’s flawless performance as a young “ever bitching about something” Dr. Bones McCoy. Even within the brief seconds that he appeared in the preview, you could tell that his was a McCoy you could accept.

I got more excited when I saw more previews and grudgingly decided to go see the damned thing at the local theater. What sealed the deal was reading of Leonard Nimoy's involvement in the plot as "Spock Prime.” One suggestion here to the producers that would pull more “old school” fans in would be to divulge that the movie is actually about Spock (“our” Spock-Leonard Nimoy) setting out to save Earth from destruction by time-traveling Romulans. As for those upset that I'd reveal Nimoy's involvement and appearance in the movie, it's been on the web for months and known to all but those who live under a rock.

Eric Bana fans are sure to love his performance under all that makeup as the Romulan Captain Nero.


What I liked/loved:
The majority of the main cast did a superb job of putting their own stamp on legendary and iconic figures. By showing Kirk and Spock growing up, it was easier to accept the younger actors. Zachary Quinto is flawless as Spock. Karl Urban as Bones made me grin in recognition of the ghost of Deforest Kelly throughout the movie. Simon Pegg as Scotty provides the laughs, even when he’s in peril. When he gleefully bursts out with how much he loves the ship and how much fun he’s having, you just have to grin right along with him. I even recognized Majel Roddenberry as the computer voice… even though it wasn’t on the Enterprise.

In fact I actually found myself grinning from ear-to-ear several times, which I really didn’t expect. There are many touchstone lines honoring the old TV series and any “trekker” will love that they were included, and any “newbie” to the franchise, once hearing them, will become an instant fan.

The “alternate universe/time shift” assumption is very well (and thankfully) quickly explained. For us true fans of the original, think of when Leonard Nimoy played an evil Spock with a beard in the original TV series. Once you get past that, the rest is pure enjoyment, because suddenly you accept Pine, Urban, Quinto, Pegg, Saldana, Cho, and reluctantly Yelchin as the original TV/movie characters you’ve known and loved over the years.

The action and special effects are spellbinding and LOUD.

What I didn’t like/hated: (lest I be accused of gushing.)
The action and special effects are spellbinding and LOUD.
The theater where I saw it played the movie at a near deafening sound level. I actually began plugging my ears during the battle scenes. To my astonishment, a mother ushered her four young children out of the theater within ten minutes of the opening. I’m not sure if it was a particularly violent scene that caused this, or the kids putting their hands over their ears. That said, this is not a movie for kids under twelve-years-old.

Sorry folks, but as Star Trek bad guys go, Eric Bana as Nero was no Khan. The intense and passionate hate, plus the driven obsession with revenge that Ricardo Montalbán so excellently put on the screen made Bana’s Nero look only mildly pissed off.

I’m a huge fan of movie music, which in a lot of cases can be as important as the script. Alexander Courage’s original TV theme or even those time-honored “eight notes” is to be found nowhere in the body of the movie. I say this for those who are like-minded and anticipating them. Oh you’ll forgive the omission even before you leave the theater, but in my opinion it is still a nearly unpardonable sin.

Chris Pine needed to work on his Shatner impression. I didn’t mind that his performance wasn’t an out-and-out imitation of the man, but it seemed to me that Pine went out of his way not to be Shatner, and after all Bill did originate the part. The other actors are true to themselves (as they should be,) but still paid grateful homage to those who brought them to the honored stage where a very select few are permitted to stand.

For Spock to have a love affair with one of the crew desperately needed a rethink before it made it to the screen. Not that he wasn’t young and half human, but the “real” Spock” wouldn’t even consider unprofessionally having a tryst with one of his subordinates. While everyone loved (including me) Sulu having an excuse to have a sword in his hand, whipping out a rapier in the middle of a mid-air fight with phaser-armed Romulans probably wasn’t a good script idea and frankly a bit contrived. Anton Yelchin’s Russian accent was just so damned over-the-top heavy, even the Enterprise computer didn’t like it. While I watched the movie it became more of a distraction than anything and made it hard to accept him as Checkov.

The star of the show/movie has always been and should always be The Enterprise. Remember how you cried the first time you watched Kirk being forced to destroy her in “The Search For Spock?” More attention was needed to be paid to her and regretfully wasn’t. Also, when Kirk pulled up on his “motorcycle” (Richard Geer in “Top Gun”) to see her being built, suffered because she was barely recognizable behind all of that scaffolding. Fortunately the scene was so brief that it didn’t give you time to wonder about why a huge starship was being built on the ground instead of in space. Earth's gravity truly would’ve tested those engine and saucer section pylons to the limit and most likely beyond.


To conclude:
The movie, despite its flaws is magnificent. I went in prepared to nit-pick and hate it, but I applauded when the final credits came on. J.J. Abrams proved himself with this one, and it’d be a shame if they didn’t assign the inevitable sequel to him.

I think; no I’m sure that Gene Roddenberry is looking down from heaven and smiling.

WARNING: Reproduction of this article is forbidden without the author's permission
©-2009 by Jet in Columbus/Jet Gardner/Blogcritics.org

I Love You Phillip Morris-Movie Review

MOVIE REVIEW...although this will probably go straight (forgive the word) to DVD. Jim Carrey gay lip-locks with Ewan McGregor!

I Love You Phillip Morris." starring Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor (Star Wars.) The movie based on crime reporter STEVE McVICKER's (Houston Chronicle) book, I Love You Phillip Morris: A True Story of Life, Love, & Prison Breaks, which followed Russell's adventures through the imfamous Texas justice system.
Russell's many bizzare escapes (usually on Friday the 13th) included using a perloined walkie talkie as a prop to get through jail security, using a green pen and a bucket of water to fabricate phony surgical scrubs and forging his own death certificate after faking a terminal case of AIDS!

An ironic twist to all this is that with the time added to his sentences because of his jail breaks, he'll never get to actually see the movie based on his life story! (Texas doesn't consider this kind of movie suitable to show to its prisoners... surprise surprise) If what I've heard of how this story was drastically altered in order to bring it "Carrey style" to the silver screen; it's probably just as well.

CAUTION: Don't be fooled by the photo!

UPDATE January 2008...
Over the last few months, I've more or less left this topic alone, hoping that the rumors as to why this movie took so long to be released were false, and while it seems be finding distributors in Europe, America has turned its back on it... and for truly good reason.

I personally found it disappointing that Carrey chickened out and the feature has been re-edited and parts reshot as not a comedy, but more... a lame comedy... a making lots of/too many funny faces, stereotypes, and swishing around insultingly comedy... in fact a typical "over the top baffoon" comedy of Carrey's. Whether this was because the star was worried about his sexuality being questioned, or that he figured that turning it into a typical "Carrey film" might increase ticket sales is anyone's guess.

In other words it was transformed into a "dumber than dumberer" comedy. As of this writing, the movie recently has gotten high praise at the Sundance Film Festival, but for some reason it's still struggling to get a distributor west of the Atlantic.

The movie begins with Jim on his death bed, telling his life's story. What follows after that are lame jokes and lots and lots and lots of reassurances (probably to himself) that Jim Carrey's not really gay, basically by playing it so completely over the top that no one would believe it. Carrey is over-portrayed as a good cop, a good Christian organ player at his church-his eyes dazed and glazed with the love of Jesus (not a good sign in a gay flick.) He's also a good father, and a GREAT husband, with numerous scenes of him sticking his tongue down his wife's throat, along with him banging her loudly and enthusiastically.

It's a dead give away when he announces to his wife that he's gay, and he uses his stock comedy face afterward in one of the dumbest "Carrey clown" looks he can possibly muster for the camera.

Another typical shot is of his childish antics while waiting for an elevator with the police just down the hall.

Once you get past all of that, you'll see glimpses of what this flick probably started out as... no stupid jokes, and no baffoon's funny faces.. in other words a true love story based on actual occurances.

Ewan McGregor's sexy and innocent performance is the only saving grace, but not worth the insult the rest of the movie delivers.

Shoved aside and promised as "DVD extras" at Sundance, are an extended gay kissing scene, and a near x-rated but tender gay sex scene that didn't make it to the final edit, (another one that will shock Ace Ventura fans involves him graphically pounding a muscle hunk doggie-style). that were played with passion and realism. These all promise an enjoyable hour and a half or so ...until Carrey ruins it by intentionally ending each scene that survived the cutting room floor with a stupid and/or misplaced laugh/giggle/titter for his (assumed) adoring audience.

Unfortunately because of that, it'll probably wind up as a direct to DVD release in the U.S., and a typical, yet hopefully forgettable "fag joke" (and a lame one at that,) where he ridiculously asserts that car accidents and attempted suicides can turn you into an overly stereotypical homosexual if you're not careful... the kind where you absolutely must have the latest fashions (not) and gym memberships and if you can't afford them, you steal the money to buy them.

--By far, the most insulting line is the wife asking if the "gay thing" goes hand in hand with stealing?, which could cause gay audience members to walk out of the theater in numbers too great to ignore and demand their money back--

Another reason for gays to walk out is that all the web-buzz about those sex scenes is just that... buzz. As I mentioned before they've all been edited to within seconds of their lives-if that.(groan) Oh they're being seen right now all over Europe, but will never reach America's Puritanical screens.

Judge for yourself if I'm exagerating and click here to see the trailer for this complete waste of time, and take my advice if this doesn't discourage you? Either buy the book instead, or buy the DVD after it's been discounted... and use the fast forward button a lot.

Saturday Night Live Sucks and Should Be Canceled!

Every so often (because I loved it growing up) I try to watch Saturday Night Live to see if by some miracle it's gotten funny again. So when I heard Michael Phelps was hosting, I steeled myself and gathered my courage to watch the September 13, 2008 season premier all the way through.
I did, but not without help.

Maybe it was my extreme disappointment that Ohio State having just minutes before lost to USC so badly, but I doubt it. Even Senator Obama (as it turned out wisely.) bailed at the last minute,

The only laughs were the faux Palin/Clinton spot at the beginning and the surprisingly funny "Michael Phelps" diet commercial at the end. William Shatner was tapped for a cameo appearance, but wasted doing a shameless and self-promoting priceline.com commercial from the audience. Phelps’ mother should sue for defamation because of the way she was portrayed; that she sat there and took it was as amazing as the forced laughter.

In between the two high points of the show was some of the most unentertaining junk that I've unfortunately come to know Saturday Night Live all too well for in recent years. The poorly conceived "Charles Barkley" talk show was ridiculously dumb, the music video for the "Space Olympics" made no sense. Bobby Moynihan's waiter skit was... I can't find words to describe how stupid it was... a total waste of time?

Michael Phelps bravely slogged through the swim team skit, playing a high school kid afraid to jump off the blocks and into the water until the coach pulled out an inspirational tape in the locker room of some of the most ridiculous music I’d ever heard. He then proceeded to go into a flailing and to put it bluntly; inexcusable dance routine that the team walked out on... with the exception of Phelps.

More than once, the champion athlete/hero looked like the proverbial "deer caught in the headlights," and at times appeared to be searching for his mom in the audience to ask, "is this really funny?"

The audience actually laughing at all during an extremely dull skit involving a family with two retarded kids amazed me. Minutes into it, I suspected that the audience is either green-screened in, or that prerecorded laughter must’ve been employed to augment their lack of response, because real people (no matter how stoned) just would not laugh at that.

It's been a long time since I've used the Picture-In-Picture feature on my TV, but tonight I thanked God for it, as the commercial breaks seem to go on forever.

On occasion, I've chastised myself into giving Saturday Night Live "another chance" and I've put my proverbial hand on the stove to be burnt once too often. Unfortunately I'm the victim of being spoiled by the likes of Eddie, Gilda, Dana, Chevy, and John.

I'd considered titling the piece "Someone come and put Lipstick on SNL!"

...as for the actual title of this piece,
Well maybe it wasn't THAT bad...

...but Lord it wasn't good!

WARNING: Reproduction of this article is forbidden without the author's permission
© 2008 by Jet Gardner

Levi Stubbs-The World Loses one of Motown's Soul Masters

Levi Stubbs had a deadly accurate voice, which always found your heart no matter how hard you tried to hide it. What made him unique were the verbal weapons that no one else could master the way he did. Those tiny words that slammed into you with such force, you had to start singing whether you wanted to or not. Words like the staccato “HA!” that appeared in the middle of the musical bridge just before he repeated the chorus of his vocal masterpiece, “I’ll be there.” Another one only he could master was the piercing “GOT” that stabbed in to your soul between the line, “Baby I need your lovin’,” GOT “to have all your lovin’.”

On the other hand Levi owned one of the few voices that could express a broken heart and still remain absolutely masculine. Manly men in the middle of the night with sopping wet eyes closed tightly and headphones clamped to their ears would weep as they mimed his vocal expressions in the dark. Holding anything cylindrical that felt like a microphone, they’d let his voice take over theirs and plead a desperate, “Noooooooo!” in “Sugar Pie Honey Bunch” that could only be followed by the confession, “I can’t help myself!”

Stubbs was the 1960s god of all teenaged kids regardless of race, who’d been thrown over by their first unrequited crush. Boys would let only Levi’s voice express their heartbreak, usually in the shower, while pretending three of Motown’s best backup singer/dancers agreed with them because the heartless “Bernadette” left them all alone with their pain, or had condemned them to live in an empty house containing “Seven Rooms of Gloom.” I learned to dance to “It’s the same old song, but with a different meaning since you’ve been gone.”

Just as easily they could brag convincingly that there, “Ain’t No Woman Like the One I Got.”

Grown men were prone to buy two copies of his vinal ‘45 singles, because they knew they’d wear the first one out playing it over and over and over again. Levi assured them that there was a male strength associated with loving a woman, or mourning her loss to another man.

So it was with great personal loss, that I discovered that Levi Stubbs died Friday October 17, 2008 in his Detroit home at the age of 72. He’d been fighting cancer and the aftereffects of a stroke in 2000 that finally compelled him to stop performing.

The Four Tops began their long career as “The Four Aims,” a cabaret act that played mostly jazz lounges. In 1963 Motown took a gamble in signing them, which paid off immensely for both the group and the record label. The quartet composed of four best friends named Levi Stubbs, Duke Fakir, Obie Benson and Lawrence Payton hit chart-topping pay dirt after they were put into the capable writing hands of Motown’s “holy trinity” of writers-Eddie Holland, Lamont Dozier and Brian Holland.

With success and acclaim, Levi was never tempted to follow the vain actions of other lead singers of famous Motown groups like the Supremes or the Miracles, who insisted that their name be plastered in front of his companions, or to callously dump them altogether and go solo. He humbly maintained that whenever he heard their music, he could only imagine it with his three band mates behind him, and that they were as important to his fame as he was.

Stubbs insisted on several occasions that his voice wasn’t very remarkable, nor all that good, being neither Gospel nor Pop. Other wiser men would go on to describe that instantly recognizable baritone with such words as passionate, classy, sophisticated and raw.

The Four Tops were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1990 in recognition for having racked up over 50 million in record sales, of which 45 were certifiable chart hits for Motown and it’s later incarnations. "Keeper of the Castle" is one of my favorites of their post-Motown hits.

A few years ago I as invited over to a friend’s who was showing the 1986 version of “Little Shop of Horrors.” I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out why the voice of Audrey II-the human eating plant sounded so familiar… It was Levi!

We may have lost you Levi, but we’ll always have your outstanding music.

Brian Williams of NBC News put it perfectly, “You may not know his name right away, but if I said “Sugar pie, honey bunch,” you’d know him…” to watch the 60-second tribute click here

WARNING: Reproduction of this article is forbidden without the author's permission

© 2008 by Jet Gardner

Seven Words You Can't Say-A Memorial Tribute to George Carlin

Okay you Carlin fans, here is the text of his "Seven words you can never say on television"

Actually there were two versions of this, one from "Class Clown" and the other from "Occupation Foole" I actually have edited the two together on tape and listened to them repeatedly so many times in my car, that I can never get them out of my head, even this long after...

so here it is, melted together taking the best from both versions...

I was thinking about the curse words and the swear words, the cuss words and the words that you can't saaaay, that you're not supposed to say all the time, because some people are into words. They want to hear your words. Some guys like to record your words and sell them back to you if they can listen in on the telephone, write down what words you say. A guy who used to be in Washington, knew that his phone was tapped, used to answer, "Fuck Hoover, yes, go ahead."

Okay... now there are 400,000 words in the English language and there are 7 of them you can't say on television. What a ratio that is-399,993 to 7. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outraaaaageous to be separated from a group that large. All of you words over here, ...you seven.... Baaaaaad Words.

That's what they told us they were-remember?
"That's a bad word!"

There are no bad words, just bad thoughts, bad intentions… and words.

So… what are the ones you definitely couldn't say, ever, 'cause I heard a lady say bitch one night on television, and it was cool; like she was talking about, you know, ah, well, the bitch is the first one to notice that in the litter, Johnny. Right. And, uh, bastard you can say and hell and damn, so I have to figure out which ones you couldn't...ever and it came down to seven, but the list is open to amendment and in fact, has been changed, uh, by now, and a lot of people pointed things out to me… and I noticed some myself.

The original seven words were, shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker mutherfucker and tits.

Wow!

...and Tits doesn't even belong on the list... It-it's such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname, right? "Hey, Tits, come here, man. Hey Tits, meet Toots. Toots, Tits. Tits, Toots." It sounds like a snack, doesn't it? Yes, I know, it is a snack. I don't mean your sexist snack. I mean New Nabisco Tits!, and new Cheese Tits, Corn Tits,Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits, Onion Tits, Tater Tits. "Betcha Can't Eat Just One." That's true. I usually switch off. But I mean, that word does not belong on the list.

Actually none of the words belong on the list, well, maybe fart-maybe, but you can understand why some of them are there. I'm not completely insensitive to people's feelings. I can understand why some of those words got on the list, like Cocksucker and Motherfucker. Those are heavyweight words. There is a lot going on there. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling.I mean, they're just busy words. There's a lot of syllables to contend with. And those Ks, those are agressive sounds. They just jump out at you like "coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer” It's like an assualt on you.

Now where was I?… oh yeah.

So... to recap... For those of you in the audience waiting to uncover your ears... shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker mutherfucker and tits. those are the ones that will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands... and maybe even bring us, God help us, peace without honor... uhhhhhh what a burden!

And now the first thing that we noticed was that word fuck was really repeated in there because the word mutherfucker is a compound word and it's another form of the word fuck. You want to be a purist-it doesn't really-it can't be on the list of basic words.

Also, cocksucker is a compound word and neither half of that is really dirty. The word 'sucker'-that's merely suggestive and the word cock is a halfway dirty word, 50% dirty- dirty half the time, depending on what you mean by it. Uh, remember when you first heard it, like in 8th grade, you used to giggle. Remember the cock crowed three times." "Heyyyyyyy, the cock-three times! Cock is in the Bible! cock is in the Bible!"

Remember the first time you heard about a cockfight?
What? Huh? Naw it's not that ...is it?

...It's chickens, you know?

Then you have the four letter words from the old Anglo-Saxon fame. Uh, shit and fuck. The word shit uh, is an interesting kind of word in that the middle class has never really accepted it and approved it. They use it like crazy but it's not really okay. It's still a rude, dirty, old kind of gushy word. They don't like that, but they say it, a lady now in a middle-class home, you'll hear her most of the time she says it as an expletive, you know, it's out of her mouth before she knows. She says, "Oh shit, Oh shit, oh shit ...If she drops something. "Shit! I dropped the broccoli. shhhhhhit!"

So! Now the word shit is okay for the man. At work you can say it like crazy. Mostly figuratively, "Get that shit out of here, will ya? I don't want to see that shit anymore. I can't cut that shit buddy. I've had that shit up to here. I think you're full of shit myself. He don't know shit from Shinola. You know that?"

(I always wondered how the Shinola shoe polish people felt about that.)
"Hi, I'm the new man from Shinola!"
"Hi, how are ya? Nice to see ya?"

"Boy, I don't know whether to shit or wind my watch. Guess, I'll shit on my watch". "Oh, the shit is going to hit-the-fan." "Built like a brick shithouse." "Oh, he's up shit's creek. He's had it." Hot shit, holy shit, tough shit, eat shit. shit-eating grin. Uhhhhkkk, whoever thought of that was ill. "He had a shit-eating grin!" "He had a what?" shit on a stick. shit in a handbag-I always liked that one. "He ain't worth shit in a handbag."

....."Shitty. He acted real shitty. You know what I mean? I got the money back, but a real shitty attitude." "Hey, he had a shitfit!" Wow! shit-fit. Whew! Glad I wasn't there.

All the animals-Bullshit, horse shit, cow shit, rat shit, bat shit. First time I heard bat shit, I really came apart-A guy in Oklahoma, Boggs, said it, man. Aw, batshit! Vera reminded me of that last night. Snake shit, slicker'n owl shit. Get your shit together. shit or get off the pot.

I got a shitload full of them! I got a shit-pot full... shit-head, shit-heel, shit in your heart, shit for brains, shit-face, heyyyyyyyy. I always try to think how that could have originated; the first guy that said that. Somebody got drunk and fell in some shit you know. "Hey, I'm shit-faaaaaace! shitface, today!"

Then there's "I don't give a shit." Like it's worth something, you know? "I don't give a shit." "Hey, well, I don't take no shit, you know what I mean? You know why I don't take no shit? 'Cause I don't give a shit. If I give a shit, I would have to pack shit. But I don't pack no shit cause I don't give a shit."

"You wouldn't shit me, would you?" That's a joke when you're a kid with a worm looking out the bird's ass. "You wouldn't shit me, would you?" It's an eight-year-old joke but a good one.

Anyway, enough of that shit

The big one, the word fuck; that's the one that hangs them up the most. 'Cause in a lot of cases that's the very act that hangs them up the most. So, it's natural that the word would, uh, have the same effect. It's a great word, fuck, nice word, easy word, cute word, kind of. Easy word to say. One syllable, short u. fuuuuuck. Boom. Starts with a nice soft sound fffffffuh". Ends with a kuh. Right? A little something for everyone. Fuck. Good word.

Kind of a proud word, too.
"Who are you?"
"I am FUCK! ...FUCK OF THE MOUNTAIN!"
Tune in again next week to FUCK OF THE MOUNTAIN!

It's an interesting word too, 'cause it's got a double kind of a life- personality- dual, you know, whatever the right phrase is. It leads a double life, the word fuck. First of all, it means, sometimes, most of the time-fuck! What does it mean? It means to make love. Right? We're going to make love, yeh, we're going to fuck, yeh, we're going to fuck yeh. Right? And it also means the beginning of life, it's the act that begins life, so there's the word hanging around with words like love ...and life

...and yet on the other hand, it's also a word that we really use to hurt each other with, man. It's a heavy. It's the one that you save toward the end of the argument. Right? You finally can't... "Aw, fuck you, man! I said, fuck you! Stupid fuck-fuck you and everybody that looks like you!"

It would be nice to change the movies that we already have and substitute the word fuck for the word kill, wherever we could, and some of those movie cliches would change a little bit. "Mad fucker still on the loose!" "Stop me before I fuck again." "Fuck the ump, fuck the ump, fuck the ump, fuck the ump." "Easy on the clutch, Bill, you'll fuck that engine again."

Uhhhh, the additions to the list. I found three more words that had to be put on the list of words you could never say on television, and they were fart, turd and twat. those three.

Fart-we talked about, it's harmless. It's like tits, it's a cutie word, no problem. turd, you can say but who wants to, you know? The subject never comes up on the panel, so I'm not worried about that one.

Now the word twat is an interesting word. TWAT "Heyyyy, right in the twat! Twat is an interesting word because it's the only one I know of, the only slang word applying to the, a part of the sexual anatomy that doesn't have another meaning to it. Like, ah, snatch, box and pussy all have other meanings, man. Even in a Walt Disney movie, you can say, "We're going to snatch that pussy and put him in a box and bring him on the airplane!" and everybody loves it. But the twat stands alone, man, as it should.

And then there’s the two-way words. Ah, ass is okay providing you're riding into town on a religious feast day; You can't say, "Up your asssssss!" You can say stuff it. There are certain things you can say; its weird, but you can just come so close. Before I cut, I, uh, want to, ah, thank you for listening to my words, man, fellow, uh space travelers. Thank you man for tonight and thank you for the grammy!


Rest in Peace George... we'll miss you

WARNING: Reproduction of this article is forbidden without the author's permission
© 2008 by Jet in Columbus

Music: Out of the Blue-Electric Light Orchestra's 30th Anniversary edition

I got this preview CD in the mail to review last Tuesday February the 13th, and wasn’t able to write a single word about it down for three days… Why? Because I’ve become completely consumed by the incredibly clear memories of sights, smells and sounds that just listening to it repeatedly generates. The only way to describe it is that “out of the blue” (pun intended) some pieces of music will cause long-lost recollections to lock into your head that you haven’t thought of in years… or decades.

This album/CD is the soundtrack to one of the most glorious periods of my life, and at the time I didn’t know or even care who the Electric Light Orchestra was! Now it’s linked to one of the best pieces of art I’d ever created.

I’d been commissioned to do a painting for a friend who told me money was no object. This ditsy blond wanted me to surprise her boyfriend with a huge science-fiction painting… on his bedroom ceiling? The first thing I told her was that considering the logistics, it was impossible to do a large painting in one afternoon, especially on a ceiling… especially as a surprise! I mean really, he’d notice me wandering in and out of his bedroom, not to mention the scaffolding or the smell of paint for a week or more? On top of that, what if they moved away?

Unphased she informed me that that’s what I was getting the big bucks for to figure out. Oh and by the way; I only had 10 days to complete it.

Groan

As with all clients, I ask them to bring over a piece of music that they like, so I can get a feel for their personality. While we tried to work out the details of the project, she put on his absolute favorite album, which turned out to be Out of the Blue by someone named ELO.

The moment Turn to Stone started I was hooked.

After about two hours of discussing what she said he’d like, I borrowed the double album, made a tape of it and began working. In my career every painting I’ve ever done has a soundtrack attached. I merely have to look at it to hear The Mamas and the Papas greatest hits, Pink Floyd’s Animals album, Alan Parson’s Turn of a Friendly Card etc. etc. The tape of Out of the Blue went with me wherever I went, and it got to the point where I’d memorized the thing without even realizing I had.

In the midst of Sweet Talkin’ Woman (appropriately enough) I found the solution to the “surprise honey!” problem and told her I’d take the job. I also informed her I didn’t need his house key and that she should call me in about a week to pick it up. This frustrated her to no end, because I flatly refused to tell her exactly how I was going to do it!

For two days without touching paint to anything I relaxed with a pair of headphones trying to figure out Gary and why this album was his all time favorite. With pencil to sketchpad, lead singer/founder/producer Jeff Lynne’s voice on Summer and Lightning followed by Mr. Blue Sky began putting fantasy science fiction pictures in my head and on paper, and within hours I had the concept for it.

I started with the smooth back of a cheap piece of 8’ X 4’ wood paneling. In a few days I had a day scene of two opposing cliffs taking up the outer thirds of both sides of the painting. At eye level on both cliff edges were ancient castles with towers and domes. A dark hooded monk stood on the brink waving something at his twin on the opposite side who seemed to be returning the gesture.

Miles below in the middle third, I put a futuristic city on a flat plateau’s floor, with a river running through it and nifty buildings and air cars flying around in traffic patterns. Through the light blue haze above, I created a huge dead star that could barely be seen through the afternoon clouds and took up nearly the whole sky. Orbiting it was a bright and blinding dwarf star.

I almost called her to pick it up early, when while listening to Sweet is the Night, inspiration hit yet again.

In the next few days I made some major alterations and when I was done, she arranged to get him out of the house for a few hours and I went to work in his bedroom. With some friends, we lifted it up, added a clear piece of plexiglas to protect it and after some electrical wiring I pronounced it finished just as they returned home.

She was still fuming because I wouldn’t let her see it in advance.

When I was ready, I called them in and he didn’t notice anything; after all who looks at the ceiling every time they enter a room? The bolts that I used to put it up there with were painted over and became three-dimensional components of a few overhead hovering space ships or a tree that overhung the scene.

To the strains of Mr. Blue Sky he was absolutely blown away… but I wasn’t done yet.

I closed the curtains to darken the room and turned on black lights. The regular paint I used for the day scene didn’t fluoresce, and I’d gone over it a second time with fluorescent paint to create glowing lanterns in the monk’s hands, the dead star glowed a cracked dull orange and yellow and the dwarf companion star was truly blinding. The overcast in the day scene disappeared into a clear night that was filled with stars and a green quarter moon hidden by the non-glowing cloud paint.

In the valley below, the city lights now paled in comparison to a rocket taking off from a spaceport in the middle of town to dock with (what else?) the flying saucer from his favorite album cover. On the plexiglas I painted more flames for the star and the rocket, and components of the castles, so that when you moved your head they seemed to be three-dimensional and the flames seemed to dance.

Needless to say I got a huge check…

As the years passed I put Out of the Blue away and went on to other projects, listening to it occasionally if it was in the car’s tape player. As with all CD/albums there are songs you love that never get much airplay on radio and after a while you forget about them as you move on musically.

Such was the case with Track 12-Summer and Lightning. I bawled my eyes out the first time I heard it again last Tuesday. Listening to a classic piece of music like this sort of taints today’s music somehow and makes you want to go back to a simpler time when singers actually sang. A time when a hit song didn’t have the same three-second set of notes played over and over and over again while some guy told you how tough he was, the size of his gun, how many cars he owned or how many ho’s he could get.

The packaging of this CD is magnificent and frustrating at the same time. It comes as a uniquely designed little hardbound book as opposed to a dinky plastic thing. Within the 24 pages is the fascinating story of how the group was formed by Jeff Lynne, how the album was recorded and facts about the group members. It is loaded with dozens and dozens of photos and any fan would love the collection… if it weren’t for one little thing—no lyrics were included!

In the center is a little “assemble by inserting tab A into slot B” paper model on its own little pedestal of the spaceship on the cover. This is a scaled down duplicate of the original model that came with the first-run vinyl albums. I wouldn’t recommend actually cutting it out and building it though, as it’s very fragile and would probably get lost within the first week of display.

Now the really frustrating part: The disc is contained in a slotted thick paper flap at the back of the book, and is stuck in there so tightly that you have no choice but to squeeze thumb and forefinger to pry the thing out! As anyone knows, it’s a definite no-no to touch the bottom of a CD with your fingers unless you actually like skips.

The most painful part of the CD depends on if you’ve previously owned the 12” vinyl album. The magnificent artwork on the outer cover was wonderful… full sized, but shrunk down to the size of a CD case, hardly does it justice at all unless you have a magnifying glass handy. The album cover was the first time anyone had seen the ELO flying saucer and when looked at from above it became their logo on all their following albums and posters.

As for the CD extras?

Wild West Hero-alternate bridge, is what appears to be part of a rehearsal session for the finished song, in which Jeff harmonizes with others a cappella at home… but it’s only 24 seconds long.

The Quick and the Daft (Some electronic CD playback displays—mine included—have it listed as The Quick and the Draft) is an absolute classic Jeff Lynne/ELO instrumental at its finest, but at only 1:49 long. I plan to loop it to make it longer on my computer, it’s that good, but it’s that short.

Latitude 88 North doesn’t have that ELO “oomph”, which is probably why it wasn’t included on the original double album, but it’s enjoyable. It reminds me of a garage band that somehow talked some string players into jamming behind them.

The love of that musical era, the memories that will come flooding back, and the concept of what really good music used to sound like make this CD well worth purchasing.

WARNING: Reproduction of this article is forbidden without the author's permission
© 2007 by Jet in Columbus

Music: John Denver's New "Essential" Collection

The term “Essential” in the title of this collection could be misleading. In my mind it refers not only to the essential must-have songs by this great artist, but that this great artist was essential to an era of music that is woefully long gone and is badly needed back again. The essential refers to songwriters of a simpler time that were really happy on stage with just a guitar or a piano. They didn’t need over-produced over-orchestrated material, self-congratulatory lyrics or huge fame to sustain them as long as they had a story to tell and a tune in their hearts.

My personal six essential writer/performers of that era would be James Taylor, Carly Simon, Willie Nelson, Justin Haywood, Bob Dylan and of course Henry John Deutschendorf, Jr. These singer-songwriters were the essential core of music of the 60s and 70s. It’s impossible for me to imagine any of them not existing and still have a reasonable American musical history.

Henry John Deutschendorf, Jr?

Presented in this new collection is Deutschendorf’s (better known as John Denver) greatest works. When I was initially introduced to his material, I was hesitant at first; after all I grew up in an era of Steppenwolf, Three Dog Night, Marvin Gaye and his Motown Sound, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd and Genesis.

John’s personal life was anything but peaceful and it shaped and molded his music, not as a mirror, but as a contrast. His songs were presented as gifts and he was unmatched at quiet emotions:
Joy-“Rocky Mountain High” and “Matthew”.
The sadness of love-“Leavin’ on a Jet Plane”, “How Can I Leave You Again?”, “I’m sorry” and “Goodbye Again”.
Contemplation-“Friends with You.”
Peace of mind-“Sunshine on My Shoulders” and “Fly Away”.

To sit and listen to this music with headphones in order to shut out the rest of the world is an almost Zen experience, because after a while you forget that you’re being sung to. Suddenly without realizing it, your mind is filled with peacefulness and images of self worth and happiness. That’s not an easy task for some people but is Denver’s unmatched trademark.

“Calypso” carries you off to the sea. You don’t just see the ocean in your mind you feel it rise and fall beneath your feet on a rolling deck, you hear the gull’s shrieks, you smell the salt air, and you experience the adventure of sailing with explorer Jacques Cousteau. He can also make you feel the air currents rise under the majestic wings of an eagle soaring over a mountain forest.

Efforts were even made to turn some of his anthem recordings into official state songs such as “Rocky Mountain High” (Colorado), “Take Me Home, Country Roads” (West Virginia) and Wild Montana Skies.

Many categories of music have tried to claim him as their own such as:
Country-The foot stompin’ “Thank God I’m A Country Boy” (#1 on both country and pop charts), “The Cowboy and the Lady”.
Folk-“Leavin’ on a Jet Plane”.
Pop-“Annie’s Song”.
John is all of the above, but neither at the same time and rightfully so.

The only complaint (and we all knew I’d have one) to attempt to balance this rather glowing review would be the omission of “The Eagle and the Hawk”… alas.

While writing this review I was going to mark each of the following 36 songs with an asterisk to denote which were my favorites. I got part way through the list and realized they all were…

Disc: 1
1. Leaving On A Jet Plane-Hit number one as recorded by Peter, Paul, and Mary
2. Rhymes And Reasons
3. Take Me Home, Country Roads
4. Poems, Prayers And Promises
5. I Guess He'd Rather Be In Colorado
6. Friends With You
7. Rocky Mountain High
8. Goodbye Again
9. I'd Rather Be A Cowboy*
10. Farewell Andromeda (Welcome To My Morning)
11. Sunshine On My Shoulders
12. Back Home Again
13. Matthew
14. Thank God I'm A Country Boy
15. Annie's Song
16. Sweet Surrender
17. Looking For Space
18. I'm Sorry

Disc: 2
1. Calypso
2. Fly Away
3. Baby, You Look Good To Me Tonight
4. Like A Sad Song
5. How Can I Leave You Again
6. It Amazes Me
7. I Want To Live
8. My Sweet Lady
9. Autograph
10. Some Days Are Diamonds (Some Days Are Stone)
11. The Cowboy And The Lady
12. Seasons Of The Heart
13. Shanghai Breezes
14. Perhaps Love
15. Wild Montana Skies featuring Emmylou Harris
16. Love Again
17. Dreamland Express
18. Is It Love? (Live Album Version)

WARNING: Reproduction of this article is forbidden without the author's permission
© 2007 by Jet in Columbus

When Did My Musical Tastes Become Obsolete?

I saw an episode of The Cosby Show where Stevie Wonder’s limo hits Denise’s car. Clair declared that her kids would never forget meeting him for the rest of their lives. It occurred to me that, while that was true, they might have to explain who Wonder was in about 10 years.

It’s a generational thing. My parents loved Merle Haggard, Patsy Cline, and Jimmy Dean, probably to upset their parents who were into Les Brown and His Band Renown, Dean Martin and the Andrews Sisters. Therefore I had to love Three Dog Night, The Beach Boys, and then Aerosmith, Led Zepplin, Genesis, and Pink Floyd just to spite them. Not to be outdone the next generation went berserk for Donna S’s, and KC and The Sunshine Band’s disco gang because they knew my generation hated it, and their kids are now appalling their parents by being in love with rap and hip hop.

I still have to tell people that Richard Harris did not steal "MacArthur Park" from Donna Disco Queen. About 10 years ago I remember explaining to a kid that Paul McCartney was more famous as a Beatle than as member of Wings, and had to explain that Paul didn’t rip off “Live and Let Die” from Axl Rose, and he wouldn’t believe me till I showed him a video tape of the movie.

It’s not fair that I should know what a “33 1/3” is, or be embarrassed for knowing all the words to the Mamas and the Papas “California Dreamin’,” or have Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon memorized. You know you’re musically obsolete when you find yourself singing along with The Moody Blue's “Nights in White Satin” playing on the overhead speakers at the grocery store... and then I realized I knew all the words to all the songs I was hearing.

It didn’t dawn on me until a friend my age said he doesn’t listen to country music anymore on the radio because it’s changed so much. That threw me - it still sounds the same to me: some guy falls in love, his wife leaves him for another man, he’s all alone with his huntin’ dawgs, and his pickup breaks down.

I used to be so proud cruising around with my top down and the stereo up, blasting “The luuuuuunatics are on the grahhhs…” Now I get looks like I’ve lost my mind for playing such garbage in public.

Someday soon in a Wal-Mart checkout line, I hope to hear some mother explain to her kid that she used to love to listen to "The New Kids on the Block," only to have the kid ask, "Really; where did they live?"

The only thing that gives me comfort is that sometime around 2025 today’s kids will be totally embarrassed as adults to play what’s current now for their kids, and get just as self-conscious as I do when I’m stopped at an intersection singing out loud “Day-lie day-lie my boyfriend’s back!”

WARNING: Reproduction of this article is forbidden without the author's permission
© 2006 by Jet in Columbus